Knock-Knock. Who's There? A 3-Year-Old.

Jerry Seinfeld would love to have my kids open for his stand-up routine. Since most jokes by three-year-olds make absolutely no sense, Mr. Seinfeld would seem that much funnier. Here's one of Johnny's favorites:

OK, I admit there's a stench to that joke. But nothing compared to the odor Johnny created when he clogged the toilet, flushed it, and it overflowed. Johnny grabbed the plunger and wildly plunged. Toilet water sprayed everywhere. I wrestled the plunger from Johnny. My daughter, Belle, cried.

As I cleaned up the bathroom, Johnny declared: "Let's get drinking!" I wasn't sure what he meant, but I hoped he wasn't referring to the toilet water. Like a sorority sister, Belle chimed, "Yeah, John, let's drink!" Johnny and Belle hoisted their milk cups in unison and chanted, "Drink, drink, drink!" And people wonder why Wisconsin is always No. 1 in binge drinking? It's in our genes, man.

My wife is from the east coast. She deals with frustration by saying things like, "For the love of God!" The other day, I was disciplining Johnny by placing his stuffed animals on the fridge each time he misbehaved. By the third stuffed animal, Johnny said, "For the LOVE of God, Daddy!" I couldn't help laughing.

As a parent, I often don't know whether to laugh or cry. Like yesterday, Johnny decided he could make cinnamon toast. Except that what he thought was cinnamon was actually black pepper:

Preschoolers are the spice of life.

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