His Future's So Bright, He's Gotta Wear a Potty Seat

Parents often worry about their children's progress: Is little Suzie walking soon enough? Is Billy growing at an expected rate?

I worry because my two- and four-year old act like orangutans in our kitchen, literally climbing on the table and swinging from the light fixture as soon as I turn my back.

Then again, maybe it's not so bad to be a trained orangutan. Look what they can do!

Maybe those talents will pay for my retirement...

Another clear sign of intelligence recently came from my two-year-old, Johnny. He ran out of the bathroom with his trainer-potty seat on his head declaring himself "King, king!"

While some college students can't even declare a major, Johnny already has lofty career goals. Clearly, with that foresight, his future's so bright! And with a potty seat, who needs shades?

He also needs a hair cut. His hair in the back for some reason is naturally growing faster than the front. I'd hate for him to end up with a power mullet like this Texas Longhorns football player:

Yikes. But who needs talent or a college degree when you have super powers, like the ability to fly, according to this demonstration by Johnny and his sister, Belle:
Never mind that their version of "flying" looks more like dogs visiting their favorite hydrant.

What I've learned from parenting, though, is that the immense love you feel for your progeny outweighs all the death-defying trapeze acts they might try. (Even if you feel like a safety net by the end of the day.)

Because, as Belle told me: "Daddy, I mortally love you."