Ring Around the Inappropriate Lyrics

Recently I was reading to my two-year-old daughter, Belle, a book called Time for Bed by Mem Fox. Each page is like a short, two-line nursery rhyme. Belle knows it well enough that she fills in the last word of each rhyme. Usually she's clutch, nailing her part like Derek Jeter batting in the bottom of the ninth inning with two Yankee runners on base.

But yesterday I read, "It's time to sleep, little bird, little bird, so close your eyes not another--"

"Toot!" Belle says with glee.

Of course, the correct answer would be "word." The lyrics in Time for Bed are totally appropriate, as long as your child doesn't get too creative. But have you ever noticed that's not the case with some of the Mother Goose traditional rhymes?

My dad used to tuck me into bed and read these delightful ditties to me.

Take "Ring Around the Rosie," which Belle has started to sing. You know, the one that ends, "Ashes, ashes, we all fall down." Some have speculated that it grew out of the Black Plague, that "ring around the rosie" refers to the mark of the plague and "ashes, ashes, we all fall down" refers to all the kids croaking. This is disputed by historians but, my point is, if you have to ASK if it's about the Black Plague, can that be a good thing?

Take Peter Peter Pumpkin eater:
"Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater
Had a wife and couldn't keep her
So he put her in a pumpkin shell
And there he kept her, very well."

Very well? So we're telling kids, "If you're such a great catch that your girlfriend breaks up with you, the solution is to stalk her, carve out a large vegetable and force her to sit there while you eat pumpkin seeds with lots of salt?" That's not good.

Then there's the old woman who lived in a shoe. Apparently she had so many children she didn't know what to do, gave them broth for dinner, spanked them all soundly and put them to bed. She probably also kept them in large vegetables the next day, poor little darlings.

Some of you might be thinking, "Chill out dude, they're just nursery rhymes." I actually agree. I had no clue what the nursery rhymes really meant when my dad read them to me. As Eminem fans often say, "I just liked the beat." I just cared that Dad read them to me, and mixed in some tickling under my chinny-chin-chin.

So while I won't be singing "Rock-a-Bye-Baby" to my unsuspecting infant, I will read my daughter "Three Blind Mice," regailing her of the ultimate tale of revenge -- the carver's wife getting her comeupance from the three little creatures. That'll teach her not to use rat poison.

I guess the moral is, the most important thing is to read and sing to children and, secondarily, to make sure you play Eminem's inspirational "Lose Yourself," which is about seizing the moment, rather than his less desirable "Big Weenie."