My Son: 'Dad, You're a Tool'

Parenting is a bit like being tickled under your armpits. If you don't invest yourself, if you resist taking the plunge into full involvement into your child's life, you become that guy who resists tickling by kicking and whining. Nobody has fun.

Kids know how to have fun. "If I went to a party with all grownups, that would be a disaster," my five-year-old daughter, Belle, said.

I took the family to the annual office party, held this year at a bar. Fortunately for Belle, there were other kids there to save her from the adults. At the party, I had fun playing pool. Except for the fact that as a pool player I'm . . . streaky. Inconsistent? OK, lousy. When my opponent turned out to be equally terrible, our game kept going and going because we couldn't sink more than one ball in a row.

After awhile, Belle walked by and said, "Daddy, you have been playing pool a loooooong time." I wish I could be great at billiards, but nobody said life is fair. Except for Belle.

"Let's be fair," she said. "I'll pick three books for bedtime and Johnny can pick none." Her brother, Johnny, is three.

"How's that fair?" her mommy said.

"Because we all get to listen to the books I picked."

I read them a book about dinosaurs. It explained that dinos lived more than 70 million years ago. Belle said, "Daddy, is that older than even you?"

Parenting isn't all fun and games. Sometimes, of course, discipline is in order. You have to know what buttons to press. For example, if Johnny had a cell number, it would be 1-800-BURGERS. So whenever he's naughty, his mom hits him where it hurts--his appetite. At first threat of denying food, he snaps right into line.

Sometimes I'm at a loss for whether to discipline the kids or roll with it. For example, is it bad when your daughter declares that lip balm is to be applied onto her Barbies' nipples? Her brother scratched his head at that one, a confused look on his face.

I found it especially interesting, given that Barbie dolls don't have nipples.

Then there was the time the kids were watching Handy Manny, a cartoon about a carpenter/ repairman who has animated tools that talk.

My son turned to me during the show and said, "Dad, you're a tool."

I've learned that, when parenting, life is short. Sometimes, you just have to throw your arms in the air and let the kids tickle your pits. Then, if only for a few moments, life is a kick.